Repentance
by nicolebot
Summary: Jane's Catholic guilt over her new relationship with Maura finds her in a confessional booth at the church.


**A/N: I'm not really sure where this came from, it was just an idea I couldn't get out of my head. Apologies ahead of time for the lack of plot or even purpose to the story really.**

* * *

"Bless me, father, for I have sinned."

"How long has it been since your last confession?" The voice belonging to the older gentleman on the other side of the confessional held a tint of a European accent, though she couldn't quite pinpoint the origin. Jane was certain that if Maura had been there, she would know. Maura knew almost everything, it seemed.

Pushing the thoughts of the blonde doctor (who was the entire _reason_ why she was here now) aside, Jane answered sheepishly, "Um, I'm not sure exactly. Can we just say it's been a while?"

"Alright. What are your sins, my child?"

Jane wasn't entirely sure where to begin. She had known this priest for years, since she was a small girl being dragged to church on Sundays by her parents in a dress too frilly for her liking, and she knew he was sincere and nonjudgmental. This time, though, there was no dress and neither parent in sight. Jane had come to the church on her own and in work attire, on an absolute whim and this time the confession she wanted to focus on was bigger than "I pushed my little brother down playing basketball the other day."

She had tried to tell herself that this was stupid. She tried to convince herself she wasn't sure why she was even here. But in reality, she knew exactly why. It was because religion is a tricky thing. It can tear you down or build you up or, Jane was hoping, even earn you compassion points with your very Catholic family when you tell them about your new relationship with your female best friend.

"Wow, where to begin?" Jane laughed quietly under her breath, as the nerves in her system forced her to begin rubbing the scars on her hands. "Well, um, for one I've shot a few people here and there, y'know, 'cause of the whole… homicide…detective thing…" She trailed off, suddenly unsure of how to go about this.

"And what else?" The patience in his tone helped to sooth Jane's tension, but not entirely. She looked around the confessional, the mahogany wood old and stained from years of use, the pine scent long since dissipated. The small gridded window that allowed their voices to flow to and from was a darkly rusted golden color, tying together the ancient feel of the withering confessional booth.

She was grateful for the barrier between them though. It made Jane feel safer, knowing the priest would not be able to see the flush on her skin.

"I've cursed, quite a bit actually, and I lied to Ma about not being able to go shopping with her because I had to work, and there was one other thing that was kind of big,"

A small pause followed.

"Well, actually I think it'd be best if I started at the beginning…"

* * *

_The slamming of her front door brought Maura's head up from the riveting book she'd been nose deep in all evening. Jane marched in until she standing directly in front of where Maura was seated on the couch, hair mussed and lips set in a tight frown. The anger on her face and rage in her eyes would have frightened anyone else to the point of tremors. But not Maura. No, Maura knew Jane would never hurt her. She was not frightened; but she was, however, saddened by the sight. She knew exactly what this was about. _

"_So he's back? And you're leaving? Just like that, without even telling me a damn thing," Jane ran her hands through her hair, as she began to pace the length of the living room, like a wild animal entrapped in a cage for the first time. _

_Slowly closing the book and laying it on the arm of the couch next to her, Maura stood up and folded her arms across her chest, casting her eyes down to the floor. Her hair fell forward, shadowing the tears that were beginning to gather. But they had not fallen yet._

"_I'm sorry, Jane. But I – I do have love for him. And I would not be opposed to being with him and that means going back to Africa with him."_

_At this, Jane stopped pacing. They stood on opposite ends of the living room now, but it felt as though there was already an ocean between them. Maura's wording had been chosen carefully to avoid a terrible case of hives and if Jane had not been so blinded by fury, she'd have noticed._

"_I mean, okay, I understand that," She, in fact, did not understand, "but… you could have at least __**told**__ me. But oh no, I get to find out from a memo in the BPD Newsletter letting us know we'll be in need of a new M.E." Anger and rage deflated to sadness and sorrow and realization that Maura was actually leaving. With someone who was not her._

_To this, Jane received no answer. _

_Because Maura had none to give._

"_I do apologize, __**sincerely, **__Jane."_

_Jane laughed incredulously. "Is that all you have to say? You're __**sorry**__? No, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought I meant __**anything **__to you at all."_

* * *

"And then we, um, didn't talk for about a week and a half," _Nine days and five hours_, Jane added mentally, though she was not about to vocalize it.

"What happened next?" Jane took solace in the way the old priest sounded genuinely interested, concern coloring his accented voice.

Jane took a deep breath…

* * *

_Elbow deep in cold case files at her desk, Jane could feel the exhaustion setting in. She and Maura had not spoken and Jane wasn't even sure whether she was still in the country or not. _

_Jane shook her head of the thought before the usual sadness could set in. _

_Only a few minutes after that, Frost began to loudly (and obnoxiously) clear his throat from the desk planted in front of her. Ignoring the assumed-to-be-jibe, Jane kept her head down and her eyes focused on the papers in front her. She was so close to cracking this case, she could feel it…_

_Another loud throat clearing caused Jane to look up at her partner with an exasperated, "__**What?**__" He nodded his head in a "look behind you" motion, so she swiveled her chair to see the most heart wrenching sight. _

_Maura Isles stood there, her face red and cheeks puffy with eyes still freshly wet. Her hair was mussed, designer dress wrinkled, and it was obvious she'd been suffering from a lack of sleep judging by the bags underneath her eyelids. She wiped at the corner of her eyes and went to say something finally, but the words caught in her throat and a small sob came out instead._

_Quickly rising from her seat, Jane silently took Maura gently by the arm and led her to the elevator without a word. The ride down was equally quiet, save for Maura's small stuttered breaths that let Jane know the doctor was still attempting to control her tears._

_Once the elevator stopped, Jane continued to lead them until they were out of the building completely and standing on the side of the Boston Police Department building. Neither noted the passing of pedestrians or the onslaught of traffic or the noise of the city buzzing around them. They only saw each other and the pain in each other's faces._

_Jane had let go of Maura's arm and now had her hands shoved firmly into her pants pockets. When Maura reached out for Jane, the detective pulled back, the hurt still too raw for her liking._

"_What happened to Ian and Africa?" Jane asked bitterly, "I figured you'd be long gone by now."_

_Maura shook her head strongly, "I don't want to go, Jane," she whispered vehemently, a small sob following._

_Jane almost did a double take. "What the hell do you mean? Why would you…plan to go to Africa and quit your job and make all those arrangements if you didn't even want to go?" Her head was spinning. Maura Isles was nothing if not surprising._

_Said blonde doctor swallowed another sob and shrugged half-heartedly. "Because I love you."_

_Like a slap in the face._

_Before Jane could string together any sort of response, Maura continued, "It's because I love you and because every piece of evidence I could gather on the hypothesis points to the outcome of you marrying Casey and __**not **__me and I cannot stand to watch that happen, Jane, so I just – I just –"_

"_You ran." _

"_I did, both hypothetically and literally, but I can't anymore. And I am aware of your feelings of affection for Casey, but I am also aware of your feelings of affection for __**me**__, as well, and I realize the jeopardy that this could potentially put our friendship in, but maybe if you could find it in you to give us a chance, the prospects could possibly be –"_

_Without forethought, Jane tugged her hands from her pockets and reached forward to pull Maura in by the waist. She pressed their lips together roughly, angrily, worshipfully; afraid to pull away for fear that Maura might suddenly dissipate, and turn out to be only a figment of her dreams._

_For her part, Maura tangled her hands in already tangled hair, the tears finally stopping as her entire body seemed to sigh out in relief._

_Tearing away from each other and panting heavily, Maura cleared her throated and stood up slightly straighter, a light blush dusting her freckled cheeks. _

"_Since I am not one to make assumptions, I feel it best that I make my intentions clear. Will you accompany me on a formal romantic date, Jane?" There was a teasing smile playing at her lips, but Jane new the true weight of the words._

"_Yes, Maura, I definitely will."_

* * *

"…and then Maura got rid of Ian faster than anything _I've_ ever seen before,"

The smugness in her voice could not be helped,

"So, yeah, that first date was like six, seven months ago and we're in a serious relationship now. My family still doesn't know yet; I'm a bit apprehensive about telling them. 'Cause, I mean, Ma and Pop will probably disown me. Right?"

"And why do you feel they would do that?" The priest asked with confusion in his tone. Knowing him, he was probably furrowing his brow at the wall in front of him, and wrinkling his forehead even more.

Jane paused, confused at his confusion.

"Because...it's wrong? Isn't it like, one of the biggest immoralities there is? To be in a same-sex relationship?"

Another pause.

"Jane, why did you come to me today?"

"Well, to, y'know, confess and stuff. So that when I tell my family about Maura and I, hopefully it'll help our cause if they know I've already repented."

"I am sorry to tell you this, but I can only absolve you of the others you've confessed. I cannot absolve you of your affections for this Maura," his voice held a hint of a soft smile, but Jane was too distracted by his words to notice.

"_What? _Why _not_?" Jane whined petulantly, turning her body fully in the booth, so she was facing the gridded window from which the priest was speaking through. Her hands clenched tightly and painfully in anticipation and frustration.

"Because love is not a sin, child."

Tension filled the air around them. A long silence followed.

"I don't know what to say to that," Jane admitted, feeling very small in that moment. She leaned back against the wall behind her and released a stuttered breath. "Really, though, are you sure? 'Cause –"

"Were you hoping I would tell you it _is_ a sin?" The old man asked, and Jane could hear rustling from his side.

"No, I just…I don't know. I've had to fight for everything in my life. I figured this would be the thing I'd have to fight hardest for," she mumbled with a shrug, though she knew he could not see it.

The priest laughed gently and from the nearness of his voice, Jane could only assume he had leaned forward in his seat, "My child, I have known you Rizzoli's for quite a while now. I baptized you and your brothers. So believe me when I say that your family would _not_ renounce you for finding happiness, my child."

"It can't be _that_ simple though," Jane huffed stubbornly. Why could she not make him see that life just didn't work like that for her? "I have had to fight for _everything_ else I've ever wanted, but being with Maura, so far it's just, it's been…too _easy_."

And if Jane were to admit it herself, _that_ was the root of her insecurities. The ease of it all. The transition from friends to lovers to girlfriends had been smooth, so simple and humble. Of course they had had their petty arguments and squabbles but each was inconsequential and slight. It made no sense to Jane.

"Well, then why question it?" the priest asked, bringing Jane out of her trance.

"I guess…um, well, I mean, I guess you're right." Jane's body sagged with defeat, slumping lower into the bench. She ran her fingers through her wavy tresses and closed her eyes slowly, as she tried to assess her next move.

"So what are you waiting for, my child? Go home. Be happy."

And suddenly Jane knew. She would do just that.


End file.
